As you all know that my number one hobby is reading. Before being a mother my favorite kind of books were novels and human development related books. After having kids parenting books became my favorite readings. In this blog I will share with you a book that I have read a while ago and I really loved it. It is the ” How To Be The Parent You Always Wanted To Be” By Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. They wrote the #1 New York Times bestseller “Siblings Without Rivalry” and “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk”.
This Book is divided into two parts. Part 1 “Principles and Skills” discusses topics like (Feelings, Engaging Cooperation, Alternative to Punishment, Praise, About Anger) and Part 2 is mainly about asked questions from parents that are mostly asked and their solutions. What is interesting about this book is that it shows every case through a pictured scenario between a parent and his kids. Once with a scenario that we normally follow everyday and then blame ourselves and the other one with what we should do with our kids. After each chapter, there is a practice with suggested solutions. Here is a brief about this book.
Principles and Skills
- Feelings : In this part the authors are trying to show us the kids’ feelings when they are talking to us. What do they normally think when they discuss an issue and what they are expecting from us and that we should understand their feelings and speak from their own perspective.
- About Engaging Cooperation: How many times do we ask our children to tidy up or clean the mess and they totally ignore us and act as if they didn’t hear someone talking!!. In this part, it discusses a better way to communicate with our kids to make them understand what we want from them and how to make them help us and cooperate.
- An Alternative to Punishment: this part shows alternative ways to punishment. Some kids when being punished, they focus on their feelings and frustration more than the reason behind being punished. They see their parents as mean people and do not understand the main issue. I face this issue with my daughter sometimes. She doesn’t get why she is punished and repeat the same act over and over again. In this book, it shows you a better way to discuss with your kid why he is punished through problem solving process. It suggests a way to discuss with your kid their misbehavior and the consequences. This will help the kid to explore his feelings. I had a typical experience with my daughter before and it really worked at that time. Pause & Reflect
- About Praise: Sometimes we unconsciously confuse our kids when we use generic words while praising them. For example when we say ” you are amazing” or ” you are special”. This might make the kids feel worse about themselves. We have to be more specific and descriptive. This will make them more confident.
- About Anger: I think this is an everyday battle that we go through. I think I write this statement in every parenting related blog post that I blame myself everyday. In this part it is stating that it is okay to feel angry but It suggests calmer ways to discuss your frustration and anger with your kids without breaking their feelings and damaging them.
This was a short brief about the book. What I loved the most about this book that it was short and I can easily get back to it to remind myself with the principles.